Why do men abuse women?

Many theories have been developed to explain why some men use violence against their wives. Some of these theories include stress, alcohol, financial problems, dysfunctional family, and failure to communicate with others. These issues may be associated with abusing of women, but they are not the causes.

Removing him from the circumstance will not stop him from battering women. The abuser begins and continues his behavior because he feels violence is an effective method for gaining and keeping control over another person and he usually does not suffer adverse consequences as a result of his behavior.

Violence against women by the spouse has not been treated as a real crime. This is evident in the lack of severe consequences, such as being jailed, or economic penalties, for men guilty of battering their wives. And until it IS labeled as a real crime, men are going to continue to feel they have complete control of another human being.

Abusers who are guilty of such acts are not singled out in their communities, because of obvious reasons. Anyone who knows what is going on in the family will not say anything for fear of their family being injured if they speak up. Then we have that part of the community who would "rather not get involved in something that isn't any of their business."

Batterers come from all groups and backgrounds, and from all personality profiles. Although some major characteristics fit the general profile of a batterer.

Some behavioral warning signs of a potential abuser include being overly possessive of the wife, quick tempered, extreme jealousy, he is very unpredictable, he throws things and is verbally abusive, and is cruel to animals.

An abuser presents a woman as an object not a person. He sees women as property or sexual objects. He will have no respect for women as individuals.

An abuser makes up excuses for the cause of his behavior. He blames his violence on circumstances such as his wife's behavior, having a bad day, or he will blame it on his consumption of alcohol, and other things.

An abuser has low self-esteem and feels powerless and does not feel he produces a strong impression in the world. He may even be successful, but inside he feels inadequate.

An abuser may be nice and pleasant between periods of violence, and isn't noticed as a batterer by his friends and other family members.

Why would a woman stay with a man who is abusive?

So many people ask the same question, "Why do women stay with someone who is abusing them?" Some people feel if the person being abused didn't like the way they were being treated, they would leave. Others feel that low self-esteem is what keeps them in the house with the abuser.

No one enjoys being beaten, no matter what her emotional state or self-image. A woman's reasons for staying are more complex than a statement about her strength of character. In many cases it is very dangerous for a woman to leave the abuser, even life threatening. If the abuser has all of the economic and social status, leaving can cause additional problems for the woman. Leaving could mean living in fear for her life, losing child custody, she worries about losing financial support, and being able to properly care for her children.

There is no true "pattern" to a woman who has been abused, but there are resembling behavioral patterns of women who have been abused. Abused women experience isolation, embarrassment, and shame. A woman may not leave an abusive relationship because she fears the abuser will come looking for her, and possibly kill her. She also feels she will be abandoned by her family and friends because they do not know what she is really going through.

She also knows the difficulties of single parenting and worries about the financial status she will be in if she leaves and is on her own. Her self-esteem has lowered due to the abusive action being administered to her, and she feels as though she will not be able to efficiently take care of her children. She will constantly doubt her capabilities in the world, alone with children. She may feel she cannot make it without someone "taking care of her and her children" so to speak.

In an abusive relationship, the abuser slowly takes anyone who is close to his wife away from her by alienating her from them. In most circumstances he will give her such a hard time about being with them instead of him, she would rather not be with them than have to deal with the confrontation when she gets home. The end result for her is total isolation. Her reason for not leaving could possibly be that she may feel as though she has no one to come to if she needs a safe place to stay, and support from friends and family.